It doesn’t take much
You have to really go out of your way to push me over the edge; to make my voice harden and my fists clinch in anger. And most people are aware of that, of how flexible I can be. I’m tolerant and forgiving – to a fault. It takes a lot for someone to lose my trust or respect because I have countless excuses lined up for why that person treated me the way they did. You’re so naive, my friends tell me when I recount a story, you have to stand up for yourself. Don’t let so-and-so walk all over you.
It’s great advice. Until they’re doing the walking-all-over-me thing, abusing my easy-going nature. It takes a lot for me to snap but lately I find myself losing patience quickly. I still avoid the confrontation, but something inside me just dissolves. I won’t even say “it dies” because it’s not so dramatic; I just slowly become apathetic, removing myself emotionally from the situation. I noticed that lately, when my trust is broken, it’s becoming more unlikely for me to forgive and forget. Am I finally growing up? Is this what grown ups do? Smile and nod despite the bitter grudges?
I know this post sounds like it’s spiraling into a dark abyss of self-pity and introspection but bear with me. The reason I say it takes a lot to push me over the edge is because I just realized that it doesn’t take much at all to make my
day week. A few minutes ago I received a short phone call. “I just called to let you know that I really appreciate and value your friendship,” she said.
That’s all it took. A friend I’ve known for over ten years, whom I see sporadically at best, made me feel loved. Her phone call was like the autumn breeze I’ve been anxiously waiting for. I know it sounds cheesy but it’s the unexpectedness of the gesture and the sincerity that touched me. It also came from someone who didn’t know how glum I’ve been the past few days. I was caught off guard and so overcome with emotion that I can’t remember what she said exactly, but it felt like someone took my hand and told me that it’ll be OK.
I can’t even begin to explain how she renewed my faith in people and gave me a wake up call. Just when I had decided that I was through playing nice, she brought me back to my senses. I’ll probably be wary of people for a while, reading the signs I often ignored. But I won’t let it change who I am. My flexibility is not a weakness, it’s based on loyalty and good faith.
On an unrelated note, there are clouds high in Kuwait’s sky today and the softest puff of fresh air. Could summer finally be on its way out?